Meus Silens Vita
by Weehoo107
Summary: Sasuke Doesn't remember his past. He doesn't remember the Massacre. But he does remember his brother.
1. In The Dark

Wow. Never thought I'd be doing this. I've put this off way too long! lol

And I'm sorry if its a little vague here...Don't worry I'll clear it up in the next chapter as best I can. Like I said In the summery, first chapter! Please be nice :]

Oh, and by the way, this chapter is short and sweet, but very angsty. Child Abuse and Rape. You've been warned.

You're in poor Sasuke's little mind. He's traumatized.

**All characters in this story belong to Massashi Kishimoto. I do not own Naruto. **

And so, without further ado...

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Leave me alone. Just leave me alone.

You've taken everything from me. My friends, my family, even my future. But do you care? No.

you don't even look at me. Because you've done this so many times before. You like this, don't you?

You're cold, aren't you? This place makes you cold. that's why you don't like coming down here (even though I _live _down here.). But you still like hurting me, just me. Why me?

Yeah, I see it in your face. You LOVE hurting me. You like to make me scream. You grin whenever I grovel in the corner, and you laugh when you see my tears. Then, when you really want to hurt me, you start coming into me. I still cry, but now you want me to scream. You want me to say you name, but I don't want to say it. It's an ugly name.

But you don't stop. You keep going until I say your name...

...and I always do. But you like me best. "Cuz I'm not broken."

I feel broken.

Then you leave, and I'm in a mess. You like this, don't you?

I can't walk cuz it hurts so much. It's wet, and I'm sweating and crying. I can't stop crying. I want to stop crying. I can't breathe cuz my nose is full of blood. I choke in my own life-water.

I want to die, but they won't let me. Why? What am I to them?

Then he comes back with his 'big' friends and they take turns on me. Sometimes they're so impatient they both go at the same time, like now.

And I can't breathe with those two inside me. And I can't see in this darkness. And I can't scream with him in my mouth.

Then after a lifetime, the three of them are done and my naked body is trembling and I'm drenched with sweat and something else and their sweat. And they're licking me everywhere...

And then they start beating me up. All I see is red and black. I taste blood in my mouth and I can feel bruises starting to form. They cut me, they bite me, they punch me, slap me, stab me...

They knock me up against the wall and put some funny smelling thing to my nose, and all of a sudden I'm floating. But somehow, I don't feel better. Isn't that what dope is supposed to do to you? They throw me on my little bed and and make me lie down and 'look cute.'

click, click. Click, click, click...

They lick me. Click. They bite me. Click. I touch them. Click. They kiss me. Click click. They fuck me. Click.

Then they leave.

I can't move. I can't move. I'm so tired.

It hurts so much. What did they call me again...? oh, that's right, the _Silentius._ I think it should be _Tener Infractus._ It's how I feel, anyway.

I make it to my little pathetic excuse for a bed. It's all wet, and I know I shouldn't, but I start to cry. I shouldn't cry. I should be used to this by now. If I don't stop they'll kill me for sure.

But why can't I stop crying?

I curl up into my little bed, the moonlight creeping into my window. I can hear the men and their partners dancing and laughing in drunken stupor. I hear the women seducing the men...

I hear so many things. I wonder if I cut off my ears. Maybe that will block out the sound.

Then I remember a little boy who used to be in the cell next to me, who had already tried that. And it backfired... I shivered, and I hope I _never_ have the fate that little boy had. What was his name...?

It doesn't matter. Little things like names don't matter anymore. Everyone else has grasped that. Why can't I?

I glanced at the moon, my only hope. Was she looking at me too? Could she see me down here?

But hope is a dangerous thing.

My eye-lids start fluttering while the pain subsides due to my consciousness sinking into oblivion...

And I remember him again. Whenever I think of him I fall into a deep, peaceful sleep.

I don't want to wake up.

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Poor little Sasuke. The mind of the oppressed. I was really depressed when I typed this up.

_Silentius_-It's Latin for _The Silencer. _

_Tener Infractus- __The Tenderly Broken._

_R&R  
_


	2. Nex in Atrum

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**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any of it's characters. They belong to Massashi Kissimoto, respectively. Pockets, Sakiri and Shinorou all belong to me, however, and if you use them without permission, I will ax your ass. ****  
That is all.  
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_Meus Silens Vita  
Chapter One_

_Nex in Atrum_

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I woke up to the sound of drums. My daily wake-up call.

I tried to ignore it at first. It was pretty loud though. Everyone I knew hated those drums. I think even the _Interimo_ hate it.

I could hear them starting to come into the hallway. I groaned. If I wasn't up by the time they reached my door they'd probably kill me (which actually didn't sound so bad right now).

Painfully, I started flexing my body, and immediately regretted doing so. _Damn, how could a body hurt_ _so much?_

I rolled off my little bed rather stupidly, and fell on the rock hard ground. Moaning, I struggled to stand, and failed miserably.

I squeezed my eyes shut and thought about him again.

_A smiling, gentle face. His kind eyes. When he came home after a mission, tired and battered, but still willing to play with me. His sad eyes just days before- _

"Oi, on you feet dipshit."

I glared at my door knowing who was behind it. That lewd fat man, Shinorou. He was constantly making sexual jokes while children were dying around him. Nobody liked him, not even the _Caedo._

I tried getting up again. My stomach felt like it was going to just fall out of my body. I looked down. Nope, still there. What _was_ there was a humongous bruise that was a very ugly shade of blue and black. I frowned. That was going to be a favorite punching spot for some time. I had to cover it up somehow...

Reaching for my tattered shorts, I yanked them up so they cover my bruise... almost. It would most likely cause suspicion, but it was worth a shot.

My train of thought was interrupted by the disgusting man in the hallway.

"You know kid," he said in his annoyingly high pitched voice, "If you don't start getting up on time they really are gonna put you down. A trip to the broiler, eh?"

My nose inadvertently squinted in disgust. I had heard the stories. When the children were increasing unexpectedly, they were sent to level four, the lowest level. It had to be about four-hundred yards below the earth's surface, which was why it was so damn hot...or so I've heard. Nobody that went in there came out alive.

Every month or so, a small group of children were taken down to level three. I had only been down there once, but I could never forget the screams and the blood. And the _heat._ Dear god, if the torturing and the heat didn't kill you, dehydration finished the job. Very few survive that level, and the ones that do either are saved by some chance or...

That's what level four was for. When there were too many children then they were simply disposed of.

Still, it was better then being taken in as an apprentice. _Liberi Ocissor._ The Children of Murderers. The rapists' personal lackeys.

Yes, I said teachers. You learn to read, write, some addition and subtraction, nothing major there. But the main reason was to train the us our way around the world, so perhaps they would have slaves.

Because that's what this really is. Child slavery. And then after the kid is brainwashed and intelligent to some degree, he goes out into the world, steals some other poor child from the bosom of his mother and the cycle continues. It's how it's lived on, really. If the student refused the teaching of the master, they were killed without second thought. It was how it thrived, how it 'worked'; fear was directed at every innocent child and they succumbed easily because they saw what happened if they didn't cooperate.

Unfortunately, I am one of those kids who got picked up and taken away from whatever family I had. The funny thing is I don't remember them. It's cold comfort I don't, I suppose. It would be too painful if I could remember a father or a sister.

I am currently on level one, which is used mainly for low degree torture and normal containment. There were about two hundred and fifty children in here, all under the age of twelve. When someone reached that age they were taken to some other facility. I had had a few friends (if you could call them that) that reached the age limit and were promptly whisked away to some other hell.

I was interrupted yet again by the annoying sound. "Well, better get moving, eh? Surprise inspection today. Better hope you pass after what you went through last night."

I blinked. Inspection? Now? What horrific timing. I felt like shit.

I struggled to move, putting all effort into standing up straight and looking strong. My legs were raw and beaten; you could still see the welts. Damn.

I scanned my room for any damp dirt to smudge my wounds, but it was sorta difficult when you barely get enough water to even sustain yourself, let alone create mud. This place had once been an insane asylum where illegal experiments had taken place, so the rooms were pretty small. It also explained the lower levels. I was lucky I even had a window.

Finding some dirt, I managed to smear some on my face and my legs, blending the contusions and discolorations with it. I took a sideways glance out my window. The stench of unmentionables rose and drifted softly into my room, and I could hear the head master ordering the _Iuguolo_ around, those goddamn bastards. Everyone enjoyed it when they heard one die from some accident. The world was better off without them.

I peeked out my door. The lights in the ceiling blinked, sputtered, and went full power.

I saw Tsuri leaning against the wall, sick with a hang-over and probably high on something. She was barely wearing anything, and I saw blood trickle down in between her legs. Heat from the Broiler caused humidity; there was perspiration sliding down the slick, stone walls, providing small droplets for the thirstful. She was lapping at them.

I glanced at her face. She was crying.

I pretended I didn't see her and walked silently passed, not once looking at her. I felt her eyes bore into my back as I stepped out of the corridor and outside.

Tired, beaten and probably feeling the after effects of that drug the thugs had used on me, I proceeded to walk over to a little well that held some dirty water in a barrel. It was putrid stuff and didn't smell good, but it was cold, and that was a downright comfort in the middle of summer. I dunked my face.

I scrubbed my face as best as I could, and walked over to get my breakfast, which consisted of gruel and water. Probably the same water that I had just washed my face in, but whatever. You didn't waste food, not in this place. Not when it was your only meal.

I finished my thin paste all too soon and before a knew it I was standing as tall as I could with all the dignity I could muster while a doctor inspected me.

The general inspection took place in the courtyard (which was just a little area between buildings with stone under your feet) where the whores would cook and sew and the men would do business with traders and sell children. You could say it was the center of the place, almost like a forum. There were new children every week, but the majority were sold of to some merchants and taken to other camps. There were too many children here, apparently.

And it was the truth. This was a training station. When another head-master wanted his slaves trained efficiently they were sent here for periods of time. Almost all the faculty here were teachers of some sort and I had overheard from some source that there were actually ninja here that taught.

As the doctor manhandled me like I was nothing more then an animal, I began to take note of my surroundings. It was wise to be aware of your enviroment in this place. He grasped my chin with his firm, calloused hand, and defiantely, I glared back.

He left my gaze before and swiftly moved to examine the tearful kid next to me. He must've been about seven.

The sudden soft touch on my back startled me. I glanced back to see one of my only friends in the whole wide world; Pockets.

That wasn't his real name, of course. Thing is nobody remembered his name when he got here. He had been scared out of wits. But he was a thrifty guy, always getting his hands on the best material, whether it being food, to clothes, to smokes. Plus he knew where to hide it; hence the name Pockets.

But as I stared at him I knew something was wrong. Dreadfully wrong. Did I really want to know?

He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by some asshole who pushed him into a different line and told him to wait his turn for inspection. His eyes had fear in them, and I felt a little part inside of me go hysterical when I noticed just how _scared_ he was.

Pockets was never scared of anything.

As I tried to figure out what could possibly be wrong now, I realized that Sakiri - the only girl I knew who wasn't a whore, didn't get high or drunk and knew exactly what pain I was going through - was missing.

To say I flipped out would be an understatement. I think I almost went out of my mind.

Pockets and Sakiri were all I had. What would I do if one of them died? I'd have to follow right after, there was no doubt about it. It was just these damn people wouldn't even let me take my own life, even though they killed on a daily basis.

But Sakiri saved me. She was there in the beginning, watching over me. So now whereever she is, I have to save her, cuz whatever she's gotten herself into, it can't be good. Hell, she just missed inspection.

I glanced back at Pockets and I could see he knew that I got his drift. I'm sure the panic in my face gave it right away.

What was weird though was that they had roll call right before this, and they hadn't shouted her name. I should have noticed that but I had been too busy thinking. Of all the days to be so ignorant...

Then something dawned on me. Something my subconscious realized but didn't want to admit. It was so painful even to _begin_ to think about it...

Before inspection, every kid has to sign there name or symbol that represented themselves. It was mandatory for every child. If you failed to sign, punishments were severe.

Usually, when a name isn't called on the roster, the _Iuguolo _would search every nook and cranny to find the missing kid. There had never been a case where a child has actually escaped the _Atra Castellum,_ but there was always that one kid who went to different heights to escape...

What had been weird was that her name hadn't been called...and nobody flinched. Nobody did anything. What, was it expected then? Did someone have her last night? It wouldn't surprise me, she was very beautiful. Well, _I _thought she was beautiful...

Then the surprise inspection was over and normal business commenced. The Broilermen brought in the children who were _unneeded. _

There were about twenty or so. They all looked very frightened and scared. I wouldn't blame them. They had probably heard the stories about level four. They were being sent to their death.

I glanced back at Pockets. He had a sympathetic look on his face. He wasn't as soft as I was; no, I would consider him a hard, factual person. The cruelty of life had made him into what he was. But I like to think it was because of me that he maintained some sort of idea of humanity in him.

He stared at the unlucky souls that were being sent down to hell itself. Then his expression changed.

You know that feeling you get when you know something but you don't want to admit? Like, denial or something? Unbelief? And that look you get when you realize that the worst possible thing has happened and theres nothing you can do but stand and watch? Kinda like that, but worse.

This had the stark look of fear. Like he was a desperate sick man who would do anything for a cure.

His gaze was directed to the set of children set to die, and I felt like I was going to throw up. I did.

I clutched my knees trying to come to my senses on the cold stone ground. I didn't want to look, but I had to. I didn't have a choice. I had to see to really truly believe it.

I turned as calmly as I could. I set my eyes on the group of children in front of me.

As I searched for her face among tear-stained cheeks, I realized that was it. That would be all I could take. If she would die, then I would join her. I'm sure Pockets would do the same. Then was no meaning to life if she died. Us three together made a whole. We had been inseparable from day one.

There. At the back, with the brown hair and hazel eyes. Those gentle, soft, caressing eyes...

Sakiri was among the sentenced to die. As I was now.

As her eyes caught mine, silent speech went between us. I knew she was scared, but trying to look as brave as she could. She was so graceful. I bet these bastards stole her from royalty.

She smiled, a tiny, sweet smile. It was for me, and I wondered how I looked right now. I struggled to gain control of my expression, but it was almost as if my face was numb.

Then they escorted her out of the courtyard, into the level below.

As people started to disperse, Pockets came from behind me and grabbed my arm so fiercely.

"She's going to die." who's voice was that? It sounded so distant. Oh...it was mine.

"...Yes." Pockets sounded calm. He must have already made his decision.

I turned to stare him in the eye. I clutched his arms with equal force.

"She will not die alone."

He stared straight back at me. "Of course."

Then we followed the group to our death.

* * *

_"Do you remember how you felt when you ran after her?"_

_"... Yes." _

_"Would you like to share this experience?"_

_"... What would you feel if someone stole your wife, raped her, and gave her a slow, painful death?"_

_"I would be infuriated."_

_"Then you understand nothing."_

_

* * *

_

It was surprisingly easy, knowing we would die together. As long as we were together, that's all that mattered. Death and his brother Fear would not prevail against us.

It was the single most terrifying and glorious moment of my life, even if it was short lived.

We ran out of the courtyard into the main building. It was directly across from the entrance gates, the only way in or out of this place. I had often seen children staring wistfully at those ugly black things covered in rust, longing to leave here. But like I said, hope is a dangerous thing. You never let go of it even in this forsaken place. And when we die a cruel painful death (as we all will, I've come to except that) where will that hope have lead us? All we get are false dreams and a stab in the back.

Pockets was much more attuned then I was to our surroundings. He was only a little older then I; I'd say he couldn't be more then eleven years old. Soon he would be sent away forever... as would I.

The sudden thought of loss made my heart throb and I forced myself to concentrate on the task at hand. Sakiri.

We knew that after the children had been escorted out of the courtyard then we would only have a matter of time before they shut and locked the doors to the second level. It was difficult, following them. We scampered from shadow to shadow across the courtyard after the door that was now shutting, and Pockets caught it just as it was about to close. Luckily, no one had seen us...yet.

We raced against the walls that had the blood of children splattered over them without speaking. That's what a life of torture does to you. You are taught to be quiet; it's the first thing you learn in this place.

I felt my chest heave as I sucked in air. It was getting harder and harder to breathe and as I looked at Pockets I knew he was having trouble also.

We rounded a hallway and my heart almost stopped beating as we saw the door quietly shut behind the children now entering the second level.

We stood there for a split second, knowing that once we passed through those doors, our lives would end within the hour.

I didn't care. It's not like my life accounted to anything already.

I bolted for the door as soon as I heard loud footsteps behind me heading lock up level two. Pockets was right behind me.

They had taken our futures. They had taken us away from our families. They had taken away our lives, our morals and our dignity. They had even taken away my _name._ But if there was one thing I would not have taken away would be my death. I was still in control of my life, and I would prove it with my own end. They couldn't stop me this time.

We opened the door and literally burst into a level two hallway, as we both glanced behind to see the door shut with a small _creak._

I risked a few seconds to catch my breath, and then we were moving again.

We ignored the sounds of horror as we passed cells. We ran past the screams and the yells and the loud sadistic laughter. Past the blood, the bodies, and smells...

It didn't matter. What mattered was Sakiri.

We ran until we reached a large, heavy looking door that had shut just seconds before we had reached the group ahead of us. I had to stop and catch my breath.

Pockets, however, did not stop. "It won't matter if I catch my breath or not. I'm about to die anyway."

He was right, of course. What would I do without him?

He tried opening the door, but as soon as he touched the handle he jumped back with a yelp.

I looked at him questionably as he rubbed the palms of his hands. "It's burning! It must be from the Broiler. I heard that it isn't to far from this area."

Well, that explained the horrendous heat. And we weren't even on level three yet.

He looked at me as if I had a bright idea. I didn't like it. I wasn't used to people depending on me. But what I also didn't like was the fact that every second we wasted out here Sakiri was getting closer to dying in there.

What the hell? We go through pain daily, both physically and mentally and then a few little burns are supposed to stop us?

So, feeling somewhat agitated with myself for some reason, I gripped the door handles with more force then necessary and thrust the door open. I didn't even feel the pain at first.

As the door opened, a powerful wave of heat overtook us and immediately I felt sweat starting to form on my forehead. We would have to get out of this level, and quickly. I didn't know how long I could last without water, and the same went for Pockets. I knew he usually had to skip breakfast every morning, and I didn't even know when the last time he drank water was.

We entered the third level of hell with speed and anticipation. I had developed some kind of nervous excitement from this. What do you call it? I'm not sure. All I know is that I was in a sort of gleeful state. Maybe I was going into shock. After all, it had only been but twenty minutes ago I was standing outside finishing my inspection. Words are long and time is short.

As I ran over glass and sharp objects piercing my feet, I thought about my life thus far.

Oh, great. A recap. Did I really want one of those after all I had been through?

But I didn't think about this place. I didn't even think about Sakiri or Pockets.

All I could think about was him.

I had always suspected that whoever this person was that I remembered was related to me. The physical resemblance was undeniable. A cousin, a brother. But then, we were different. All the times I remembered him he was smiling, and that contrast in our faces made almost impossible to relate us two.

His kind eyes. His strong jaw. The way he threw a shuriken or ate dangos. We both loved dangos. He especially liked sweet things, if I recall correctly...

But you see, whenever I thought of him I would regain some sort of small memory of myself. Perhaps that was why thinking of him was like a double-edged blade. It created hope for me, and you know my thoughts on hope. I couldn't live with that.

But now (since I was going to die anyway) I thought about the gentle young man and the way he watched over me and looked out for me and just loved me...as a brother.

Yes, yes. How could I have forgotten? Of course he was my brother, and he was the best brother in the whole world. That's what I remembered, anyways...

We passed dead bodies of children younger then us, their limbs mutilated and hair burned. I glaced at one girls hair. It was muddy black, quite ungly really, as were all the girls' hair here.

Except for Sakiri of course. She was an exceptional hygienic person among disgustingly dirty people. Pockets and I both asked her why she cleaned her hair every night with water she managed to swipe (that was the one thing she was good at) and she just said "Cuz it's what girls do. We like to look pretty."

I was going to say she was pretty already, but I clammed up and held my tongue. And that was what I was gonna tell her now, before we died. I was gonna tell her she was pretty and that I thought she's the most prettiest girl in the whole wide world...

Sweat dripped down my forehead feverishly. The heat was pressing on us, suffocating us. My body felt like it was burning slowly. I heard moans coming from the exhausted dehydrated condemned, hanging from their chains in their cells. I refused to look at them.

We raced down the corridors, panting and gasping for breath. It was so _hot._ And I didn't want to imagine what the _Iuguolo_ would do to us if we failed.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, we reached the last door in the whole level. Pockets collapsed on the ground, breathing so hard I thought he was going to pass out. But no, just as I was going to offer him a hand, he stood up by himself with his jaw set harshly and determination gleaming in his eyes.

I remembered why I admired Pockets so much. He was a survivor.

I saw Pockets lapping up the sweat from his arms and I did the same. We just couldn't waste water here.

I trembled as I tried to stand up (I had fallen to my knees?) and made my way to the door to open it.

This was it. This was the end of the road. Death was behind these doors, and I was going to face Him.

I grasped the handle, and immediately pain shot up my arm. I groaned as I inspected the cause.

It was the burns from when I tried to open the door to this level. I hadn't noticed them because it had be so hot, but contact had irritated the open flesh and now they were bleeding. I winced automatically.

"I'll handle this," Pockets murmured as he tentatively reached out and clutched the handle. I was surprised when he didn't flinch from the pain.

"It doesn't hurt. It's not hot," he said incredulously. I felt my eyebrows shoot up.

Then they came down again. If there was no heat on the fourth level (which I knew nearly nothing about) then what could possibly be down there?

Well, I was about to find out.

I saw a moment of fear in Pockets eyes, if only for a moment. Then the doors swung open and we stepped into the cold, damp darkness of level four.

**____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Ok. I have so much to apologize for.

At first I started to rewrite the chapters. You know, starting from scratch, from block one. It was a terrible mistake. Sasuke didn't seem like Sasuke, detail was meh, Pockets introduction was meh, and I didn't even get as far as Sakiri's entrance. It was a pathetic attempt to recreate the story, and it delayed you all from reading further into the plot, and I'm sorry sorry sorry. It was a horrble mistake and hopefully I've learned my lesson and it won't happen again.

Another thing I'd like to say is THANK YOU to all the people who decided to stick with this story. I know it isn't very popular and in reality it actually isn't very well written, but I hope you will remain til the end. I'm currently working on another fic, _In the End, _and it's gonna be rough updating both stories but I'm gonna try. Which is why I really need your support right now. Things are tough on my family and to have some people backing me would help tremmendously. I speak sincerely.

Another thing: this chapter has been editted to some degree. I wasn't happy with the rewrite but I wasn't wuite happy with this either, so I editted, added, deleted, etc etc.

**_R&R _**

Until next time,  
Weehoo107


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